Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
