I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Will exercising make me less horny?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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