They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
