thus making me awesome and them whores
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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