what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
