we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
