I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
