we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
