if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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