In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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