I think my vagina is haunted
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
