Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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