I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
