Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize