I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
