I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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