the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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