hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
