The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
