My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
