well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
