Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
