I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I want to fling myself into the sun
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize