Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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