i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
