So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize