They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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