to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
