my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
