I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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