they need to just BURY HIM!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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