i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
