What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
