I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
