I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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