It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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