U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize