I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
