I smell stomach acid.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
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