Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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