The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
