I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
