they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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