You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
