Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This is my gift to your gina
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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