I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
