the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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