Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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