someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
