If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
