Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
