Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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