Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
FUCK WHALES
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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