So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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