tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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