Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
