I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
