i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize