No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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