I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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