its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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