My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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