apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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