my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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