She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
