drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
