remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
