just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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