I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Randomize
