my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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