Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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